Finding Accommodation

Pondered what to title this entry.

Finding a house?

But what if I settle on an apartment?

I decided to not call it finding a home because I think the sequence is to find the building and then to work out how to make it into a home. The depressing thing is in my view is that a home has more than one person in it. I wonder what a hermits house /home is called?

So what were the options?

Well I looked at a huge old house in Clewley St. I remember I'd come from looking at a few apartments in those 5 story blocks and they were tiny. The memory trigger was the feeling of relaxation I felt walking in.

I looked at several apartments in these new 5 story blocks and they were all very small.  very few had a decent verandah or living room.

Finally settled on a house on a small block.
filled in form and emailed.

The things about being single. 

A feeling of loneliness. Disconnect. 

Thinking OK what to do next. Consciously having to think about how to be amongst people. Who can I ring. I don't want to become a tag along pest. Who might be home. Who might be OK for a visit. 

Thinking I'd like to see that movie but on my own? What about eating? In a Cafe on my own. 

I guess the emphasis is that I'm continually reminded I'm on my own. 

There's a huge difference between 0 and 1. Knowing there's one special person to come home to. 

Back when married, I could be out on my own and focused on the task at hand or enjoying nature in the moment. But now, with no one at home. No one special, my mind keeps coming back to that aloneness. The thought keeps creeping back and then I have to engage my conscious mind to enact a strategy to intervene in the depression. That takes energy. To be continuously monitoring my emotions and realising I'm wallowing in sadness and to begin some conscious thought process to counteract it.

So what do I do to stave off sadness:

Listen to an engaging podcast. 

Listen to familiar music. 

Watch an action flick. 

So for 24 11/12th years had a family to go home to. Community. But now an empty house. 

Sunday - Well a day of killing time. 

5:30 coffee from the shops at St Lucia Village. 

6:00 help with rowing coaching. Took some video of a bush fire. 

10:00 picked up some coffees at... For Chris and me. 

Proceeded to Chris's house at Graceville. Jump started Rihanna's car.  Needing people interaction, I volunteered to go with Chris to... Chris and I drove to... Picked up a couch, table and microwave. 

Feeling like I'd better not overstay my welcome, left. 

Pondered what to do and thought as there was no food at home that I could go to Mt Ommaney and buy a sumo salad. Did that. Went shopping. Mused that where in more emotionally secure times, I avoided shopping as much as possible. Now craving personal interaction, I enter clothing stores and smile when the shop assistant asks if they can help. Now I'm happy to buy a couple of shirts. 

Then tried the same at DFO but lots of empty shops. 

Remembered that I needed to lock the gate at the rowing club. Went and did that. Gate was already locked.

Discovered I had the glass tray from Chris's microwave behind the seats in the Ute. 

Decided to drive from Centenary rowing club to Chris's house via oxley shops. 

A brief stop at Chris's house and dropped off the plate and picked up the ladder rack for the ute.

Home.
cooked up a steak, mashed potato, onion, mushrooms, corn on the cob.