59 Birthday

Dan and Jemma came for breakfast which was nice. 

I think I've got a bit of this so called 'long covid".  Mild headache all sat & sun.

Still living this mild depression sadness and these milestones like birthdays and Christmas and even Australia day spent without family. Alone.  Plus my in ability to find a new partner just reinforce that there's something wrong with me.  Society has made its judgement.  

26 Jan - Australia Day

Breakfast with Dave, Rob & Metedeth.

BBQ at oxley common.

I did butter milk pancakes with whipped cream, Strawberries, raspberries and most importantly Maple syrup.

Dave had bacon,  Tomatoes  Mushrooms and Meredith brought eggs.

While the guys cooked,  Meredith read some poems including " I love a sunburnt country".   Later she had a quizz.

I decided to go home before going to work.  Got the dish washer going then crashed sort of. Felt bloated - too much breakfast esp sugar.

During the day I went to work. 

Paid school fees $10k.

Paid mowing. $55

Assembled electric scooter.

Some preliminary work on the boat weigher. 

Received a phone call from Paul inviting me over. 

Went over around 5:30.

Picked up icecream and a bottle of red wine.

At Paul & Cybele's, saw Mel & Rachel and Phil & Fiona.

Played a couple of games. 

Dinner was a sasauge and salad. Just hit the mark.  Really refreshing. 

Desert was the ice cream I'd brought.

Dinner with Chris

Sunday

Jemma isn't eating with me.  She's gone to visit a friend.

Turned up at glenrich st and Chris was there. He invited me to dinner. 

That was lovely. 

I drove out to Ripley. 

Dinner was nice but I was drained.  A covid run on I think. 

After dinner I drove home and went to bed. 

Qld State Rowing championships

Fri sat sun.

Jemma got a silver medal in a quad.

No idea how the single went. 

The double with Emma was a half hearted effort at best. 

Friday I had an issue at work that prevented my attendance at wyaralong.

Jema 'stayed' at my place. 

We managed dinner fri night and sat night. 

She went out and visited a friend on Sat after dinner. Sunday she had no races.  She slept in till about 10:30 then went to visit a friend. Then straight to boat loading. Then another friend. Came home way after I'd gone to bed. 

In the morning I left a note asking if maybe she'd like to do something together but she did not respond to it. 

Reinforced that my existence here on earth is pretty pointless.

Wednesday 20 Jan 2022

Wednesday 

2am. It's a lonely existence. 

Friday 21

Alone. 

I don't have anyone. 

I dedicated 25 years. 

The kids are launched into the world. 

Megan rejected me. 

She's still got her parents. 

She's got Jemma most of the time. 

I am alone. 

No one to share life with. 

I'm kind of OK with tech stuff. 

Not much good at negotiating.

The rowing club and I don't really see eye to eye wrt organising, proceduralisation and especially governance where they operate without any care about the constitution. Where individuals and their pet barrows drive operations.

I'm all alone. 

No one for me to care for.  No one to share with.  No one who cares for me. 

No success with internet dating. I don't know why I'm unattractive but combining the evidence of rejection by Megan and then Melissa with the total lack of success with meeting people just confirms there's not much point. 

Meat loaf

https://www.recipetineats.com/meatloaf-recipe/

1/2 kg mince

1 beef stock cube OXO crushed

1 table spoon chopped garlic

Woostershire sauce

Tomatoe sauce

Mixed herbs

Oregano

1 Carrot ground

1 Onion ground

2 sticks Celery ground 

OVEN 180C

Started 4:30

1.5 has

Sat 15 Jan

Walked around the block. 

I live this mental struggle. 

On the one hand, lots of people care for me: 

Son's Chris and Dan. Recently Dan has been super supportive locating a RAT and shopping for food. 

Ben W, 

Tim H & Ian from the Monday night group.

Tim & Ro.

On the other hand, 

Feelings of rejection -

25 years wasted and unappreciated effort and the failure to find a new intimate partner.

Reading more of "the Berlin diaries". Wanted something paper. More mind opening than screens that seem to narrow ones thoughts. 

DashCam 32GB SD card limit

 I bought two dashcams one for dan and one for me.
Cheapies and now I pay the price.

32GB SD cards.

$13 at officeworks.

I am not even going to wast my time on partitioning.

Covid Chocolate Cake

Decided to make a chocolate cake.

recipe is here:  https://thomsoneu.blogspot.com/2021/03/chocolate-cake.html

Used the oven dish Dan had bought me to make meatloaf.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Driveway mud and gravel

 My driveway gets soft and muddy when it rains. When I try to park in the carport the car gets bogged and one ends up churning and sinking and making a bigger mess. 

The conundrum (if that's the right word) is that when it rains, I prefer to get out of the car in the carport as getting out of the car in the rain gets me wet.  The difficulty in using the actual garage is that it is really only suitable for a small car.  Maybe when I get a Porsche.

I asked the landlord to do something but no.  

Figured I would dump some gravel on it.  I will get the same rustic colour gravel as the stuff already there closer to the car port.  The question is what size gravel is most suited to that black mud

 

 

 6-1-2021 Sent an email to nuway western@nuway.com.au  07 3715 6200

asked what size gravel

 

 

 

Matrix Resurrection

Well if that was a resurrection....

The movie was 

slow. 

Reminded me of that starwars movie where they went to find Luke. In this case Neo, looking like Keanu Reeves had been filming another John Wick movie ad couldn't be bothered changing hi makeup. Maybe Neo was trying to be off grid.

 

I kind of got the impression that none of the actors really wanted to do the movie.  In fact it felt like no one other than Warner brothers wanted to make it.  Early on in the movie there was even a scene set in a video game publishing house where they are talking about a new edition of the Matrix game and they state that no one wants a new version and they are only doing it because their corporate owners, and they actually name Warner Brothers, will do it with or without the original creators.

I thought it was slow, had some unfocused sub plots.  The main plot - finding Trinity - is a small story compared to the saving the planet story line of the original.

--------------

Went on my own.  Aloneness still smoulders. 

Watched at Jindalee.  $13 low cost.  I think it was $17 or 418 at Indooroopilly

The cinema was good.  Recliner chairs very comfy.

New years Eve Bush Dance

 Bush dance in Brookfield with a new band.  The only person in the band I knew was the double bass player - Dave.  Turns out this is a New Years tradition amongst this group.  Dave provided most of the PA. He has a digital mixer but I could not get the android app to work so I used my mixer and the rest of the gear - speakers, mic's, leads were Dave's. 

Having the control on my pocket meant I could dance.  Talk about exhausting.  :)  Great bunch of people.  Some new dances that I was not familiar with too.