NBN Options

 Vodafone
NBN50 40mb/s $65/mo

Cant do VPN from a vodafone handset to the 4G backup.  Vodafone have bloked at least http and vpn and I suspect all peer to peer communication within their mobile network.

So the big question will be do other providers have the same limitation?

Telstra
The downside of Telstra is how do you actually talk to them.
NBN50  $100/mo  
44Mb/s

Optus
44Mb/s   $75/mo
Kid 1

 

Kid 1

39

Aussie Broadband
"Essential"
Do you have 4G backup?
What is the 4G speed?
The web site gives "Typical Evening Speed", What is the business hrs speed?
if you contact our Business Sales team, they can take a look at what we can offer you :) Reached on 1300 880 905, option 2 then 1 9am-8pm AEST Weekdays

Exetel
nbn100 data  Speed Premium   $99/mo
Typ evening speed 77Mb/s.  Unlimited data
Do you have 4G backup?
The mobile broadband is optus $1/GB/mo

 I recommend our Optus Internet Everyday Plan: Which includes unlimited data & an Optus Sports subscription for $75/month, with no lock in contract and a $99 Start-up fee.

This also comes with an Optus Ultra Wifi Modem which has a 4G back up service to provide you with piece of mind & the ability to get connected to the Optus network faster & stay connected during outages.

To make the most of your Optus experience, we also have a $49 sim plan which, if you sign up a new number today, I can offer a 25% discount making it $36.75 with unlimited talk and text and 60GB data on the same bill as your internet.

 

Meditation

Saturday 

Sunday 

No meditation. 

Bike ride.

Evening movie on Netflix. 

Monday

Meditation "staying connected" 10min. seemed hard to concentrate.  Mind kept wandering. 

Tuesday 5:45am 10min.

Meditation "suffering of others"

Again difficulty staying with it. 

Knowing our own suffering helps to give us compassion for others. 

Our struggle. Different causes. Experience  Lead to feeling empathy.

Wednesday 8:40am

Holding onto live limits experience gets in the way of love.  

Let go to discover space. 

Let go of any pursuit and rest. 

Thursday 

Slept about 11pm-3am in one chunk. 

5:30-6:30 bike ride. 

6:50 meditation on intention. Kindness.

Friday 2 Oct 7:12am

Slept 1am-5am.

Picked up ute. Triggered sad. Such regret. No forgiveness. So many years of practice distance on her part and me putting up with loneliness on my part. That's of course also my fault because I'd kick the cycle along by trying to enforce? Intimacy. 

Meditation "being present"

I think I was too present. Mind kept running off. Gps, car shuffle, bike ride,  Ute fix mirror, marriage regret. More marriage regret.  Club committee disharmony....

Sat, Sun, Mon - Kind of forgot.  Had rowing day camp

Tue - 

Wed - forgot

Thur 8

Choice v simplicity

Who and what we have around us.

Fri 9 

Did at home.  Cat on lap. 

Went whole way.  Pretty good. 

Sat 3.36 am

Wide awake 

Try rain scape 

Sunday 11 2pm

Did it but don't recall the topic. 

Monday 12 @ 1am

Forgiveness. 

How festering blocks the ability to understand or forgiveness. 

Can't sleep.  Thinking about disagreement with NF.

Fast brain kept thinking about stuff and having to restart the meditation. 

LTR arrangements. 

Come and try next week. 

Coaching. 

Work 77ghz.

Fri 16th 2:30am

Awareness + compassion

Have thoughts but let them go. 

Keep mind clear. Motivation to help others. Sense of purpose. Train mind with compassion. 

It's 2:30am awake. 

Monday 19 

Lunch time in car.  Quite broken disrupted.

Tuesday 20 7:15 @magee st

"Unconditional love" by definition is Unconditional. 

Wednesday 21 6:30am

Meditation 10 min / day what happens in the rest of the day.  Carry the calm on

Thursday 22 oct 1:30am

Awake. Fast brain on rowing club issues. Meditation on reacting

Anger with anger

Fear with fear. 

Assign blame. 

Mind keeps busy.

Step outside and let the emotion to pass us by. 

Sunday 25 7:45pm

Approach to mediation is likely to be similar to approach life. 

Mon 12:01 am

Awake.

Monday 26 8:00am

Awareness. Application. Be aware -easier when taking it slow. 

I think what we are doing here is learning / training to catch the round and round fast brain and refocusing on something that is nothing of that makes sense. Going from worrying or churning over some issue to focusing the mind on something irrelevant like breathing because that does not lead to worry, feeling bad or angry. 

Tue27 11:25am

Seek happiness within amongst the pain or struggle. 

Had to restart 5 times.  Kept losing focus and missing what he was saying. 

Feeling good today. Bike ride with BW.

Not responding to negative rowing club emails by email. If it seems something positive can come from it, I'll call the person. 

Wednesday -forgot

Thursday 29 8am

Small things can consume us.  We get caught up creating a narrative and get caught up in the thought and this can go on for a week or so and the mind is consumed.  But can we note we are caught up and let it go. 

Fri 30 7:30

Sadness reflects vulnerability.  It's a part of our journey. 

So far good morning.  Row.  Breakfast. 

Meditation was fair.  Mind wandered a bit.  Thinking about today to do list. 

Sat 31

Did not do meditation. 

Evening - quite depressed. I guess no Jemma maybe trigger.  Hail storm nice.

Spoke to PK.  He was out driving kids and CK around Halloween  houses. He invited me to come back to their place for pizza. Declined.

ABS Fail

 I get this letter in the mail

Australian Bureau Of Statistics

"Please Complete you National Health Survey now..."

Now I have done one of these before and because they use white board logic, they have a overly complicated system where one has to log in.  No problem says I who had made a note of his user name and password last time.  

So I go to log in and it rejects me.  

So I figure I will just do the password reset process.  I enter my email and phone number and nope that gives an error.

OK lets see what happens if I make a new account.  Yep that all goes smoothly until I try to log in.  Using the password I just created and it still fails.

Goto their web site and I can only find this email address.  So I send an email.  

client.services@abs.gov.au

Jet Ski License

 I was told that the price for tinnie & jet ski license will go up on Oct 1.

I got Jemma to do hers last weekend.

During the week I registered and did the online training.  All the rules and regulations.  The process was managed by some web site fr $15 (As I recall)

Rocked on up to the Jindallee boat ramp.

Julia and Rebecca had just done the tinnie license part of the course.

Jet ski bit was fun.  i had never driven one but neither had others.  The fellow explained everything and it all was pretty easy.

Went and stood in a queue at Sherwood dept transport for an hour.

Got the stuff entered into the computer and in a few weeks I shoud get a new copy of my drivers license suitably endorsed.

Brown Snake Omnium

 

 

 

 

Otrivin v Nasonex

 I went to the chemist to buy Otrivin and the chemist said I should not use it for more than 3 days because it suppresses the immune system and when i stop using it, my symptoms will come back and possibly worse than before.  She suggested Nasonex.  

Otrivin $12 
Nasonex $20

I had a feeling of being upsold.

This link
https://www.webmd.com/drugs/2/drug-6953-9214/otrivin-nasal/decongestant-spray-nasal/details
Does in fact say
"This medication provides only temporary relief. Do not use more often, use more sprays, or use longer than directed because doing so may increase the risk of side effects. Also, do not use this medication for more than 3 days or it may cause a condition called rebound congestion. Symptoms of rebound congestion include long-term redness and swelling inside the nose and increased runny nose. If this occurs, stop using this medication and consult your doctor or pharmacist."

Otrivin is Xyloetazoline hydrochloride 1mg/ml
Nasonex is mometasone furoate 50mcg/sray

So we assume they are different.

But still the question is HOW does it work and does it suppress the immune symptom and WHY do we get the "Rebound Congestion"?

https://www.medbroadcast.com/drug/getdrug/otrivin

Says "It works by narrowing the blood vessels in the lining of the nose. This helps to clear the symptoms of congestion" 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xylometazoline

"Extended usage of xylometazoline can result in decreased effectiveness or a buildup of tolerance against the drug.^[8] The number of receptors decreases, and when the administration of the drug is ceased, chronic congestion can occur; this is called rhinitis medicamentosa, commonly referred to as rebound congestion."

OK So now how about Nasonex

 https://www.rxwiki.com/nasonex

 Nasonex belongs to a group of drugs called corticosteroids, more commonly known as steroids. It works by affecting the immune system to decrease inflammation of the nasal passages.

The medication comes in a nasal spray. The nasal spray is used once or twice daily.

Common side effects include headaches, viral infections, sore throat, and nosebleeds.

 SIDE EFFECTS

Otrivin	NasoNex
Xyloetazoline	mometasone furoate
Xyloetazoline	Steroid
Narrows Blood Vessles	Affects Immune System
Buring & Sting Nose Dryness of Nose Headache Sneezing Trouble Sleeping	Nose Bleed Headache Viral Infections Sore Throat
Rebound Congestion

THOUGHTS

So I think the chemist girl got it wrong telling me Otrivin suppresses the immune system when that's what Nasonex does.

Post Divorce and Friends

on Sunday morning I was driving home with Jemma when I discovered that she and Megan and a group of people who used to be, i thought, my friends went down the coast to the swell sculpture festival.

Mate I was triggered.

Down the rabbit hole. 

You can even feel the reminants of the trigger in that first paragraph. 

I had not been invited.

It reminded me of how much I've lost. 

My whole social structure. 

Family, Church, Friends network. 

I have at times had people say to me how their husband is out of the picture. Said in a way that implies the ex husband has run off and abdicated their fathering duties.  Man I totally get that now. This is just another trigger I don't need. It hurts like hell.  All logic goes out the windrow as one descends into the rabbit hole. 

I am reminded that no one calls me. 

Recently it was RUOK day. A day when we are implored to consider those who are depressed and check in on them.  Well I'm not ok. Basically I'm fucked. Emotionally.  On RUOK day i received two text messages and zero phone calls.

Basically I feel torn. I'm over emotional. I feel and I talk about my feelings. I think that just pushes people away.  Who wants to be around  a depressed old fuck anyway.  It would be nice to just not talk about it. Tuck it away like guys are supposed to do. Like many guys seem to be able to do. 

NO FRIENDS 

I think the first thing i need to keep telling myself is that there are still some who care. 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-friendships-take-a-di_b_2546249

Points out the obvious 

"2. Divorce is polarizing. Friends tend to side with one partner -- either the ex-husband or ex-wife. Rarely do friends maintain contact with both partners. Thus, you might lose the friends who sided with your ex."

The reality is Megan has maintained those connections.

DAMAGED SPARE WHEEL

I'm basically a damaged spare wheel.  You know the guy who tags along. Bit awkward. And in my case, broken. Actually like the wheel in the pic - fucked. 

WHERE TO

So now I face a challenge of finding a new friendship group. But how to do that? I'm way out of practice. 

There is something about me that seems to make it hard for be to make friends. 

Swell Culture Festival

 Went with Jenny to Swell Culture Festival

Vodafone - Vodafone blockage

At work we have NBN with 4G backup on Vodafone.

On the other side of the NBN modem is a web server

When I type the IP address into Jemma's Optus mobile it can see the web page.

When Ross types it into his Telstra mobile, it can also see the web page.

But my mobile is blocked for some strange reason.

My mobile is on Vodafone.

Feel something in common?

Z20t Looses Mouse

 Recently my laptop has started to loose bluetooth connection to the mouse.

The end of the work land line

 About 10am the internet dropped out.  Ross tells me all three lines are dead and indeed they are.

Our hard lines follow a fairly tortuous route to the outside world.  I went and looked at the equipment rack next door assuming they may have been fiddling but no.  And the MDF is now behind a wall and a removable panel that needs a screwdriver to access.  So I figure no rat has eaten a cable and no human on site has been tinkering.

I attempt to contact Telstra.  This is not as easy as it should be but it was certainly as hard as expected.  Automated virtual assistant first told me they were busy with a 10 minute wait and would call me back.  45 minutes and no call back.  Try again several times and the virtual voice tells me they know about my fault and that others are affected.  The story of my life.  Finally I get onto someone who puts me through to someone and you get the idea.

He diverts the work line to my mobile.  Upon reflection, this was actually the only useful thing anyone achieved.  Then he explains that he can send me a mobile phone and that will take up to 3 days.  Internet - too hard.  

I call Telstra Mt Omany and establish that they have HFC modems with 4G back up in stock.  I cant go in right away.  They tell me I have to have an appintment with the NBN specialist.  2pm.

About quarter to 2 I show up.  The kind man at the door greets me and finds my name on his tablet and calls out to one of the staff who comes over and takes me in.  I guess they are all NBN specialists.  I am wondering why I could not have just rocked on up earlier.  The kid lady confirms they have modems but wait for it.... they system has been down all day and they can;t provision it.  wtf.

I walk a few stores up and sign up with vodafone.

 

 

 

 

Dan 3D printing

Dan is doing 3D printing.

He's set up a camera so he can keep an eye on it over night on his phone. Part 2 of the video shows solidworks on the left screen, then the middle screen shows the slicer and the right screen is from the monitoring camera.

cant add the video to blogger

 

 

Nothing changes

So I'm feeling pretty crap. 

AGAIN!!!

Friday -My original plan was go rowing. 

Have 2 meetings

8:30-9:00

And

9:30-10:30

Come home

Go driving with Jemma. 

I arrive at work and discover there is an issue with a system we designed. So I'm juggling two meetings and this new issue. 

 I figured I'd get the staff focused.  Then go be with Jemma. 

I drafted a message explaining I'd be delayed until 11 however I later discovered that did not send.  I must not have clicked the send button.

In the end I'm delayed until 12.39 whereupon I discover Jemma has gone with megan to nudgee beach with Lucy. 

No message. 

No phone call. 

Nothing. 

No respect. 

Just go and do whatever she fucking likes without reference to me. 

Just like when we were married. 

Everything I do is fucked.

I try so hard but can never get it right. 

Saturday 7:21

IANFOK

I Am Not Fucking OK.

I get knocked by s@#t like yesterday. 

Should I?

I've no idea. 

What's normal. 

I've still got a headache. 

My neck muscles feel super tight. 

It seems like it's an over reaction. Would a normal person feel shafted. Disrespected? 

Would a normal person just shrug their shoulders and change their plans and go back to work. 

Every fucking time!

I was given some advice:

"Call people that you'd like to connect with. Don't wait for them.

Invite people over for dinner / out to coffee.

Relationships are a two way street. Sometimes you have to drive a long way first."

Let me tell you, down the rabbit hole, it's in-coming calls only. 

It's more that when I'm down the hole it's incoming calls only. 

It's too hard to dial. I feel is who wants some depressed old fuck to impose themselves anyway. 

And those incoming calls, well they don't happen. 

No invitations. Just reinforces the feelings of alone. Unwanted.