Centenary Rowing Club Google Profile

Through a combination of luck and mismanagement, I have become the proud manager of the Centenary Rowing Club Google Profile.

The two key achievements are that when people search, the system gives up my phone number as the contact number and secondly I have managed to get the photo that showes up on google maps changed. For years google coughed up a picture of a canoe. (see below) We now have a rowing boat populated by people of varying abilities gender etc.

NEW

OLD

Tim Solomon 80th

Tim had his 80th birthday dinner on Saturday night.

I lived with "the Solomon's" while I was at uni.  So I grew up with son Andrew, Daughter Susan, It was great to catch up with them again.

I lived again with them back in January when I was homeless.  We went and got two kittens and I used a couple of photos of them to make a birthday card.

27 Wedding Aniversery and a visit to the grave

27 years ago today I married a girl I loved and admired.

2 years and 1 month ago we parted ways. 

I guess it's the modern way. 

In the media we hear about the violence associated with marriages. I see celebrities marry and separate as if they were just coming and going from a party.

So here am I. Two years on and still unable to shake that sadness. A low level depression that seemed to grow on me from sometime in the middle of the marriage. Moments of clarity but times of sadness. Regret. A feeling of wasted time.  Today and to a lesser degree this week just gone, times of anger, regret, relief.  A whole range of feelings.  Most nights waking at 2am ish and having a wave of all these and almost any other feeling you can think of.

I guess I'd seen life as living within a framework. The social contact. I do my part. I fit in. 

So I put effort in. It was for life. I tried so hard and failed so hard. Failed again and again. So many shortcomings. 

VISIT TO THE GRAVEYARD 

7am dropped Jemma at rowing. Bought a coffee at the 7-11., started driving ended up at the Towong cemetery. Thought I'd look at mum and dads grave. I'll never be there with my [ex] wife. That part of the structure of life gone. 

FUCK FACEBOOK

What a difference 11 months makes. 

What am I

This Saturday marks 27 years since my wedding and I am still not over the break up 2 years ago.

Been trying to work out what I am.

There are all manner of on line quizzes that seek to tell one about ones self.
Myers Briggs is the most famous. 
The new-up-and-comer is called DISC
There are also tests for all sorts of things like Narcissistic tendencies.

It's apparently big business turning over huge amounts of money each year.
Myers Briggs is interesting to read about.  The psychologists seem to be quite vocal in condemning Myers Briggs - Maybe they are not making money out of it.    

The conundrum here is that lets say I work out some label that describes exactly who I am, Can I change anyway? 
Would I want to?
What would I change to?
How would I do it?
Would it make me feel better?

Myers Briggs

20-30 years go when I first did Myers Briggs I would show up as ENTJ or INTJ.

In the dying years of the marriage when I was desperately trying to work out how to save it and what was wrong with me, I did Myers Briggs and every other personality evaluation I could find and I was quite different.  I don't recall what though

Now I am dealing with depressive feelings of rejections and the hurt of being ghosted and the frustrations of trying to find a new tribe,
I thought I would do it again.
The official Myers Briggs web site does not have a free online test.

Here is a summary from various web sites.   More detail from each below.
http://www.humanmetrics.com  -> ENFJ
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/personality/start.php -> ESTJ
https://my-personality-test.com/personality-type-indicator ->ENTP
truity.com/personality-test -> ENFJ (But the result is not clear on their web page)
openpsychometrics.org  -> ENFJ

Discussion
So none of the web sites said I was either
ENTJ or
 INTJ

Now   Three lots of ENFJ.
ENFJ
ENTJ
ENTP
ENFJ
ENFJ

And for the visual learners

So it looks like I am to the right and assuming one can visualise the thing as wrap around, it's kind of grouped.  But when you look at the percentages shown below, they all kind of low.  My suspicion is that I am probably putting too much value on this label anway.

Whats the difference between ENTJ and ENFJ?
T is
https://www.quora.com/Myers-Briggs-Type-Indicator-How-are-ENFJs-different-from-ENTJs

Comparing ENFJs and ENTJs:

1. Emotion. ENFJs are known for the emotional intelligence and passion, while ENTJs are considered as one of the most unemotional types. To sum this up, as leaders ENTJs may be respected for their logic and strategy. However, ENFJ leaders are generally loved.
2. Tactics. ENFJs are usually more tactful in their ways for confronting others, while ENTJs can come across as blunt and unfeeling. However, ENFJs are often people pleasing and sacrifice their beliefs for the sake of others. ENTJs on the other hand, stand true to their beliefs using their function Fi.
3. Logic. ENTJs thrive upon logic and steady arguments, while ENFJs appreciate an emotional spin upon conversations. This does not mean that ENFJs are not logical, but simply that they prefer the emotional side more.

My Take
So I have become more emotional - I would agree with that.  It took forever for me to recognise the separation within the marriage and then living for years feeling isolated, abandoned & lonely and desperately trying again and again and failing every time to heal the wounds.



More Detail on the tests

 humanmetrics.com
ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant...

psychcentral.com
ESTJ - The Guardian
Practical, traditional, and organized.
Likely to be athletic.
Not interested in theory or abstraction unless they see the practical application.
 Have clear visions of the way things should be.
Loyal and hard-working.
Like to be in charge.
Exceptionally capable in organizing and running activities.
"Good citizens" who value security and peaceful living.

Mind you the above graphic does not seem to represent the letters.  They tell me I am ESTJ but the graphic indicates ENTP.  bug?

my-personality-test.com
ENTP Characteristics ENTPs make up 3.6% of the population.
Outgoing and charming
Interested in improving themselves
Able to understand complex ideas and theories
 Impartial and rational thinkers
Very responsible,
honest, and trustworthy
Creative and flexible








truity.com   ENFJ
Note the result is kind of enbedded.  They keep trying to direct you to pay
I 23%  77% E
S 21%  79% N
T31%  69%F
P55%  45%J

openpsychometrics.org
Extraverted feeling types seek continuity through harmonious relationships and collective values. They excel at picking up on the tone of a situation and acting accordingly, adding warmth to a cool setting or turning sour into sweet. They naturally seek to know what people do well, what they enjoy, and where and how they work. They seem to have an infinite number of acquaintances from all walks of life and are always on the lookout for people in need and those who can help out. ENFJs weave and strengthen the collective fabric of social conventions and interactions. Inclusiveness is important and they are particularly sensitive to those who are excluded.

ENFJs focus on others, feeling a glow when those around them are happy, and troubled when something is amiss. They are natural cheerleaders, often expressing support, gratitude, and encouragement, and heaping praise onto those they appreciate. They take note of what is being done and what needs doing, offering their assistance wherever necessary.

ENFJs enjoy organizing group activities (yes)
and tend to take their commitments seriously. (yes)
In general, they are reliable and do not like to disappoint others. (yes)
As team players and project leaders, they have a gift for rallying their players,
focusing on what is being done right (yes)
and each member's strengths. (I try but don't do well)
They are loyal and they expect loyalty. (yes)
They carry conversations well, finding common ground with their speaker. (I try)
They tend to find the correct and gracious way to respond in any given situation, (I try)
no matter how tense or uncomfortable it is. (I try)

Types with dominant extraverted feeling may uphold a wide range of values, simply because shared values are what create harmony. Some will profess the importance of tough-minded logic, justice and scholarly debate because their environments have these shared values. They tend to adopt the collective values of those in their social group. 

DISC Personality Test

www.123test.com/disc-personality-test

Your DISC personality type

Your unique sequence of scores characterizes you in a specific way. The positive impact you are likely to make on people is:

You have a strong inner motivation to assertively create and implement new ideas.

Share quote

You handle pressure well - you strive for excellence and expect others to do the same. You are innovative but tend to avoid risk taking.

We need a procrastination wedge.

A displacement activity wedge would be helpful too.

DISC Personality Model

To help you understand the DISC model of personality here are definitions of the four factors measured.

Dominance	Describes the way you deal with problems, assert yourself and control situations.   45% Business owner I guess
Influence	Describes the way you deal with people, the way you communicate and relate to others. 7% I agree I have difficulty communicating.
Steadiness	Describes your temperament - patience, persistence, and thoughtfulness 22% Hard to judge this one.
Compliance	Describes how you approach and organize your activity, procedures and responsibilities.  26% ?

Narcisist Test

Am I a Narcissist?
I wonder what the definition is.
People talk about Narcissists as being self centred and self serving.
My suspicion is that it's a spectrum.  A continuum.
I also suspect that we need some characteristics that would be classified as Narcissistic just to survive.  maybe the opposite is doormat or something.

https://psychcentral.com/cgi-bin/narcissisticquiz.cgi 
I did this twice
First time            12 out of 20.
Second Time -> 11 out of 20.
12-15Average. celebrities are 18.

https://www.mind-diagnostics.org/narcissism-test  ->  13 out of 40
No context. This is a lead in to some kind of counseling business so I have no idea if this is good or bad.

Covid-19 Data

Data reference https://covidlive.com.au/report/daily-cases/qld

Queensland health have been doing a fantastic job tracing the sources of infection.

Covidlive provides data on where they have traced the infections.  They have 4 columns
Traced to overseas,
Traced to contact with someone known to have it.
Unknown which for a long time was referred to as "Community Transmission" and the fourth column "Investigation"

If you look at the data, which I have convieniently replicated here, you will observe that since 20th of April, the Unknown/ Community Transmission has sat at just over 40.  I assume the reason it goes up and down a bit is as they complete investigations and are able to actually trace it.

This provides a hint that one will not catch the virus from a random person at bunnings, woolies or the local cafe.

If you subtract the numbers at 20-APRIL from the numbers at 10-June, the results are:
43 New cases
40 Traced to over seas
10 Traced to contact
1 Unknown / community transmission. 
-8 under investigation. ie traced.

To me the conclusion here is that you simply are not going to catch it from random meetings in the community.

Remember this is pretty much all before the use of the covid app or recording detail in restaurants.

So one has to ask why is the QLD govenrment removing the restrictions so slowly.

It feels to me that they are basing their decisions more on polling community sentiment than on science.

Happy 19th birthday to Dan and 21 to Callan

an and Callan have the same birthday a couple of years apart.  Every year they have the birthday celebration together.

D This year we started with dinner at "Chop Chop Chang's" Chinese restaurant. 







The standard Dan birthday photo. Note Steven (2nd from left).  Erin's eyes over Chris' shoulders.

21 & 19.  I Think the ( was made from a 8

 Chris & Callan

Emotion and depression are a big part of my life right now.  These family things are a trigger / worry for me.

Perspective is an interesting thing.
One way to avoid depression, for me anyway is to live in the moment.  To reduce ones focus to the moment I am in.  In particular to avoid thinking about the past nor thinking of the future.  Techniques like just looking around and being thankful of now.  For example it might be a sunny day.  Or I am just driving along and looking at what I can see.  Interestingly in this groove, one can see a lot of new stuff.  For example, under normal circumstances when I drive, I will probably be thinking things like what I will do at work or where I am going or stewing over the past and getting depressed and when I arrive at my destination, I have no memory of anything along the way.

Another angle on perspective is big picture.  Like the higher one gets, you kind of realise how our little issues are really tiny and irrelevant in terms of the big picture.

But in the middle is where we usually live.  In my case I don't so much worry about the future but at the moment I tend to churn over the past.  A depressing downward spiral.

List of Books, Podcasts, Interesting Stuff

Podcast: Alain De'botton - Podcast on Mariage -
On Being with Krista Tippett (Podcast) "The true Hard Work of Love and Relationships" 
Why we will marry the wrong person?

Book:  Thinking Fast & Slow