Saturday

SATURDAY 

Looking back to Saturday.

Started the day rowing in a rowing race. Caused a bit of introspective reflection... 

We do not perceive the effect of our actions.

Today I was rowing and the boat was tippy.  In my view, as we proceede back up the slide the boat would tip to bow side. Then at the catch it would lurch to stroke side.  

I was rowing 4 seat which, for the non rowers, is stroke side. This means my oar is on my right hand side. 

 In an attempt to smooth things, 

As I proceeded up the slide, I'd lower my hands slightly which raised my oar and should reduce the dip to bow side. This raised the ire of a fellow behind me and on the row from the finish back to the boat shed, he pointed this out. 

Naturally my initial response was push back and explain why. But I figured, he was technically correct. So against my natural instincts, I ended this errant behaviour.  Very interestingly and surprisingly the boat became noticeably more stable. 

Made me reflect again on my life. How often did I do stuff that impacted negatively on others and I either didn't recognise it or reacted negativly if called out.

I used to agonise over why I could have reasonable relationships with people and yet my relationship with Megan was stuffed.  I guess what I did was bad. 

Moved on to Nicky's morning tea in memory of her son Sean. That's so tough. 

In the evening, I went to the sunny bank sports club. Dinner with members of a Facebook Christian singles group. There was a lady singing and people dancing. I'm still technically a dance plodder but gave it a go. It was interesting to try and work out a few steps when no one had advised what dance it was. A good nudge that dance lessons lead to dancing. 

SUNDAY 

worked on one wire software for most of the day. 

5-8pm 3hr dance lesson. 

My legs are wobbly and my brain is mush. 

At the dance lesson, I was talking to a lady who is about to go camping down the tweed with her 18yo gr12 son. She told me he and his siblings all live with their dad. Some had lived with her but they moved to their dad and how much that hurt. Gutted. I remember when jemma decided to live full time with Megan. I was devistated. A second major rejection and huge feeling of failure. 

After all this there's feeing of sadness / mild depression. Sense of loss. Why after all this time. 

https://youtu.be/bpNw7jYkbVc

wedding anniversary

Managed to keep myself busy all day and therefore not thinking about it until I was driving home about 8pm

I started thinking. Bad thing. Was going down the rabbit hole. Called a couple of people. Paul picked up. He was kind enough to be a listening ear. 

I guess my emotional turmoil includes some negative memories of times when I felt unlistened and un supported. 

The current sadness is my feeling is that Megan was right to ditch me. The evidence that I am somehow faulty and broken is my inability to find a new partner. It's a struggle to get a date. Once a date is secured though and the interview undertaken, the datee will sometimes message to say nope not for her. Others will just go silent. Very occasionally we'll get to the second interview before rejection. 

In essence though, the sheer numbers highlight that there is something wrong with me. 

USB Serial RS232 Sniffer

 It looks like I previously tried this. http://thomsoneu.blogspot.com/2012/03/usb-serial-rs232-sniffer.html

List of Did not works below

 

 

 

Advances Serial Port Monitor
https://www.aggsoft.com/serial-port-monitor/serial-port-sniffer.htm
21 day free trial with 64kB max data.  $US70 to buy.
This one works.  Have run out of free bytes before making much headway with my problem.

https://www.com-port-monitoring.com/   Another HID incantation

https://freeserialanalyzer.com/ This is HID - Didn't work

eltima.com PRO$US199  Company 10 licences $US999  Ouch

com0com FJOVINE SerialSniffer
https://github.com/fjovine/SerialSniffer/blob/master/LICENSE
Download and extract the zip file

HHDsoftware.com "From" $US64
Commercial is $US94

ioninja.com
Installed.  Then wants me to create an IONija account and sign in on line.  Hmmm

MICROSOFT Serial Monitor - Have to compile it
https://learn.microsoft.com/en-us/cpp/embedded/serial-monitor?view=msvc-170&tabs=visual-studio

 

 

http://www.232analyzer.com

www.stratusengineering.com/EZTap.html

Portmon (Microsoft?) Free
http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/sysinternals/bb896644.aspx
Didnt try this time but last time it did not work

REALTERM $50USD donation to get the drivers.  I tried but it goes to apaypal page that says this organisation isn't accepting donations right now.

Serialmon.com redirects to dunovo.com which is in sweedish.  Free evaluation 7 days.
Cant ascertain the price

SniffUSB2.0 Freeware
http://www.pcausa.com/Utilities/UsbSnoop/default.htm

http://www.serial-port-monitor.com/free-serial-port-monitor-downloads.html
This is HID
19-06-2023- Tried this again as it had worked last time.  Installed & ran.  Gave errors.  In the start menu, it did not give a run as administrator option, so I navigated to it's installed location in programFilesx86 an d did run as administrator and it still did not work.

 https://vovsoft.com/software/serial-port-monitor/
Does not seem to be able to spy.  Seems to be just a terminal program but read only.

Saturday 17 Sunday 18

Was busy / full in a nice way.

SATURDAY 17TH

Ducked into work for a bit. 

Lewis came down and we worked to set up his laptop. 

We managed to get office 365 activated and one drive operational. Microsoft make it so F'ing hard with errors and stuff blocked by certain licences. The bit left unfixed is his email. For some reason his email won't receive anything.

Afternoon Brian & Ell picked me up and we travelled to the GC.

In preparation for the evening, bought a coffee. 

Evening: attended a dance thing. It was two course dinner with some dancing and some most awesome demos. $70. Most excellent value.

Then Brian drove me home. So glad as I fade in the evenings.

SUNDAY18

Coached rowing. Another minor annoyance as one of the kids tried to move my river side trestles out of the way. If they don't want to use them they can lift their boat over them. It's not hard. But there seems to be something going on especially with the girls. 

I did feel a bit deflated. This is my last gig at centenary for a bit. I'm taking a break. Too many little things like the above that are getting on my nerves. Possibly from work stress and marriage breakdown baggage I'm overly sensitive. But anyway we will see how I feel after a break.

I took magnus. She's gotten much better. 

Back home and I reheated some leftover cottage pie for brunch. 

Felt tired. Lay on the deck in the sun with mags. The cat came and lay there too. Couldn't sleep. Lay on bed for a bit. 

Went shopping. 

Bought:

Gazebo from BCF

onto Mt ommonous and bought new stainless cookers. You can't buy big saucepans. It's hard to pour the extra water from potatoes with two small handles. It was worth shopping around 

Big W $60

Target $30

Kmart $20

Bought ingredients to make shepherds pie plus salad. 

Came home needing a sleep. 

Didn't manage to actually sleep

4:30 left for dance

Dance - 

Been invited to 5pm class. This is a step up. 

I'm beginning to feel some progress. Occasionally, very occasionally, I'll dance with a woman who knows less than me. 🤣

The other thing was good about the class was learning the signs one uses to convey to one's partner what one intends to do. 

Still left at 8 though. Mentally drained. 

Compensation

 Lonliness

Compensate for inability to find love and a lover by working and exercise and eating.

Knowing that I am faulty in the human compatibility department. Somehow just a bit off.  Not quite acceptable to the women out there and at the same time, when a woman is interested in me, I seem to not feel it.  Feeling like I did my best and fucked it up and cast aside.  

I guess atm I can provide a bit of a back stop for my kids.  In a way a thread of purpose.  

I guess the only place I am in anyway successful is work.  Electronics, computers, micrcontrollers, technology.  But not in relationships.  So to stave off the feelings of loneliness and mild sadness mild depression, I engage in other activities.  

Tuesday 13 June

6:16 coffee with Ben.

We had an interesting discussion. 

I may get this wrong but it included what group name one should use when referring to indigenous people.  Apparently they don't like the word Aboriginal. I'm very used to using the word Aboriginal and switching to indigenous will be hard.  Personally I don't have a strong attachment to any word. In fact from my perspective they mean the same thing.

Onto work and I've been trying to get a one wire temperature sensor to go with Bascom. I posed a question on a Bascom forum and have received some great help. 

https://www.mcselec.com/index2.php?option=com_forum&Itemid=59&page=viewtopic&p=83232#83232

In the evening another tech meeting for the film

Glow in the dark puddles

Rowing in a 4 this morning. As we were going along one of the guys pointed out the glow in the water when we disturbed it.  The puddles glowed brightly. Apparently some kind of alge. 

Saturday 10 June

I royally screwed up. I had said I would run rowing training for the kids who could not attend regattas. However I'd somehow committed to row in the winter racing series race. So there was no training.

Winter racing- we met at the shed just before 6.  

Crew:

1 Peter H

2 Rohan 

3 Beastie

4 Richard R

5 Arnie

6 Scotty

7 me

8 Crafty

C Angus

The tide was racing out so it was a long row up. Angus was coxing and he did a good job of choosing the path of least resistance. I also like that he tells us that he's got eyes on the bouey. I find that when I know there's a bouey coming up, that I get distracted and start thinking about it. Once Angus says he can see whatever potential obstacle is coming up, I can go back to focusing on the rowing.

On the way up, we rowed at a lowish rate for quite a while then did a rate build up to mid 30's. Then we stopped and did a couple of starts.  Then rowed up to the start.

Our adverseries were the collegians. The starter said go and in an instant the collegians were out of sight in an instant. Luckily our guys did not give in and it was a good row. The timing was good and the boat pretty level. Makes it possible to focus on technique and to be able to get ones legs down fast.

Cookie took some photos from the bridge. 

After the race we had breakfast at the west end markets. Coffee from the container at south's and Richard R got some Asian food. Was tasty but weird as I associate bacon and eggs with breakfast. 

Booked airbnb in Nerrandra. 

Picked up magnus and the washing from home. Dropped off ironing. Went into work. 

Lunch at "my roasting" with Jeff, Sue, Dougall, John & Patrice. Jeff brought their dog and surprisingly Magnus was sociable. 

Back to work trying to sort out one wire and a boot loader. 

Home via woolies. Invited Tim to join us for tea. Cooked with Peter:

Porterhouse. 

Mashed potatoes 

Corn on the cob. 

Cauliflower 

Brocolii. 

Onions fried with Mushrooms. 

White sauce. 

Red wine. 

Watching Mr Harrigan's phone"

And that says Saturday 

Friday Grammarians Lunch

3:50am rise and shine.

4:10 leave home

4:30 arr West end.

4:45 rowing

A good row. 

Quick coffee. 

Into work. 

Graham and Mel came and looked at Phil's Skylink terminal.

Sent a status report to GP. 

Just after 10 left and drove to Corinda.

Took train to town. 

Half an hour to kill. Dropped into the hall of rememberance. 

Over to lunch. 

Let down. The steak was raw. Yuk. Didn't eat half of mine. 

Good stories but disappointing food. 

Early evening and I'd seen an invitation from Dave F for dinner. 

As I walked toward central, I decided to catch an uber to Dave's place. 

It was just Dave, Chris P and me.  Dave had made an awesome stew.  Good chatting. Made up for the dispointing lunch. It was hot, tasty, filling. Chris gave me a lift back to central. 

I caught a train to Corinda. On the way, a poor fellow afflicted with epilepsy struck up a conversation with me. He was travelling to Ipswich. Epilepsy had stopped him from Woking but he had a good relationship with his 5yo niece who'd made him a sample bag of trinkets. 

dating

Still shyte.

Some nice pointers about me from Phoebe. 

I've had two dates with the axe murderer but I don't think she's interested. 

Jemma performing

Jemma performing in the mall.

Slightly behind her is one of my staff members. 

Took the train to south Brisbane. Escooter to the mall. 

After, I'll scooter up and see Peter

sunrise

Betty Nix Funeral

What a wonderful lady and a beautiful service.

1:30pm Monday at Sherwood Uniting.

The church was full. 

I even got a mention in the Eulogy. Joan says talking about her mother's graciousness and mentioned that her mum had insisted on inviting her recently ex boyfriend to Christmas lunch because otherwise who else would he have. I got the impression Joan was less than impressed with that. 

Saw many people from youth group days and general Sherwood days including:

Sid & Joan,

Ron

David and his wife. 

Sharee N now someone else with two kids. 

Allan & Judy

Clare

Tim and Ro, 

Estelle &  D. 

James D. 

John & Lisa G, 

Glenda & Richard A

Bruce J

Megan

Carol, 

Dan's birthday at work

Cheese cake!

Sunday 4 June - Auditions

I've gotten involved in making a movie. 

"They" are doing auditions for the movie. The part of the script they are using includes an argument. Made me feel really uncomfortable. Max stress. I just want to leave.  Suddenly someone called cut and in an instant the tension is gone and the actress and director are chatting normally. I breathe out. What a huge relief.

I'm amazed at the depth of consideration that's being given to making a selection. We've watched the audition recordings over and over again. Each person here contributing different observations. From looks, skin tone, facial expressions, audio tone and inflections and the list goes on. Cripes it's hard to make a decision. Exhausting. 

It must be tough for the actresses auditioning. Not just here but in their world audition after audition being rejected again and again with just the occasional "win" 

Dan's birthday dinner

Since forever, "we" have celebrated Dan and Callan's birthday's with a combined dinner.

Last night we gathered at Eden Brewhouse at Redbank Plains.

Had very nice pork ribs with a baked potato, sour cream and steamed veggies.

axe date

I've a photo on my dating profile that looks like

First contact message looked fun and consequently hopeful: 

Good morning,

Lovely to meet another axe murderer! Please drop me a line if you'd like to chat. I live near North Lakes & work near the city.

Christine 😊

We actually managed to arrange a date....axe throwing. Followed by dinner at the Montague.

But like all dates, interest seems to have evaporated.