Christmas Day

Tough day Christmas. 

The front face of Christmas is family.

The Christian back story (not forgetting there were festivals pre )

Is to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Following the birth, we've the life of Christ, the creation and growth of the Christian church and all that goes with it. 

All that goes with it....

Started the day looking on Google maps for Christmas service times. Amazing how many churches don't put their service times on google and that don't add in the special occasions.  

 

Settled on Toowong UC.  

Church @ Toowong UC.

Nice light bright service. 
One highlight for me was a bible reading on video by a young girl who had memorised the entire contents of Luke Chap 1 & 2 and recited Chap 2 for us.

We sang "silent night".

At first cut my mind pictures a small clean crib complete with crocheted blanket and a mobile hanging from the ceiling and a baby monitor. But when one actually thinks....

A manger was a feeding trough.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manger

It would have have animal drool on it and the room would stink! animal poo nearby.

Mary had a baby in that room....

Did they even have scissors to cut the umbilical chord?

 

It's so easy to get modern lovey dovey mental images of the birth of Christ.  You know those nice clean idealised nativity scenes.

Mary's magnificat- first Christmas song?

CHRISTMAS FAMILY LUNCH
Was at Megan's place (Thallon St).  I was allocated to bring red wine and a Christmas Pudding

Lets digress a little here, On Wednesday, Megan asked and I accepted to bring a Christmas Pudding.  On Thursday, I set out in search of it.  I was at Woolies at Oxley and entered "Christmas Pudding" into the Woolies App.  It listed lots but had "Unavailable" shown for each.  OK me thinks and has a look at Coles Corinda and although no locations shown, there was no 'out of stock' message so I took myself to Coles and asked at the counter and they said they were out of stock.  I guess Coles can't be honest and clear enough to confess when out of stock.  I looked on Woolies Sherwood and they had a pudding marked down from $7 to $5.  Ahh what luck I thought.  When I arrived though and found the pudding it was 100g.  That's tiny.  Like half a cup size.  Gave up and went home.  Messaged Megan and she responded suggesting I ask facebook.  Friday - That paid dividends with a suggestion of the Yeronga RSL.  They had proper sized ones for $5.  Tick!

Back to Christmas lunch,  Scheduled to begin at 12:30 so I hold off until close to that time.  I feel quite awkward.  The burning pain of rejection still smoldering.  Having to smile and pretend everything is normal is energy sapping.  Even offering to help in menial ways like loading the dishwasher is risky as I will be called out for not doing it right.

 

So I smiled and nodded and tried hard to participate pleasantly.  The food was beautiful.  Ham, Roast lamb, lots of vegies and salad.  Marcus and Soph had helped out on Friday making a egg plant thingo.

 

 

 

 

After main course, we sat round and did "secret Santa" although as the presents were handed out it was pretty obvious who had bought for whom.  All the presents seemed appreciated.

After the secret santa, we reconvened for dessert.

After dessert was a game of ...?  You draw pictures and interpret other peoples pictures.

In the evening, Marcus and Soph came back to my place.  Marcus and I watched half a movie called "don't look up".  It was C.R.A.P.  It had lots of big name stars but the script writing was terrible.  About half way through, we gave up.  yesterday I watched the last 3 minutes and the ending was crap too.  I think they tried to make a sarcastic comedy taking the piss out of the American planet destroyed by comet movies but failed miserably.

And that was Christmas day over for another year.

I know in my mind it's not logical or mentally healthy but I get depressed thinking about the marriage.  24 years and 11 months.  Wasted.  the last 10 years of incredible loneliness.  Megan was busy busy fookin busy with all her good works.  I tried so hard to be good and of course would fail and she'd remind me of those continual failures.  I remember that various people would tell me that their ex would have nothing to do with them or the kids and I interpreted this as the distant ex being un supportive.  I now know there is another alternative story line and that is that the emotional devastation brought on by having contact.  The reminder of what could have been but now will never be.  Makes me, for my own mental preservation, just go. Go away. Far away.  I want the contact.  At the same time I cry over the loss of something I held so close to my heart.