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Saturday, June 20, 2020

27 Wedding Aniversery and a visit to the grave

27 years ago today I married a girl I loved and admired.

2 years and 1 month ago we parted ways. 

I guess it's the modern way. 

In the media we hear about the violence associated with marriages. I see celebrities marry and separate as if they were just coming and going from a party.

So here am I. Two years on and still unable to shake that sadness. A low level depression that seemed to grow on me from sometime in the middle of the marriage. Moments of clarity but times of sadness. Regret. A feeling of wasted time.  Today and to a lesser degree this week just gone, times of anger, regret, relief.  A whole range of feelings.  Most nights waking at 2am ish and having a wave of all these and almost any other feeling you can think of.

I guess I'd seen life as living within a framework. The social contact. I do my part. I fit in. 

So I put effort in. It was for life. I tried so hard and failed so hard. Failed again and again. So many shortcomings. 

VISIT TO THE GRAVEYARD 
7am dropped Jemma at rowing. Bought a coffee at the 7-11., started driving ended up at the Towong cemetery. Thought I'd look at mum and dads grave. I'll never be there with my [ex] wife. That part of the structure of life gone. 






FUCK FACEBOOK
What a difference 11 months makes. 





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