Saturday

SATURDAY 

Looking back to Saturday.

Started the day rowing in a rowing race. Caused a bit of introspective reflection... 

We do not perceive the effect of our actions.

Today I was rowing and the boat was tippy.  In my view, as we proceede back up the slide the boat would tip to bow side. Then at the catch it would lurch to stroke side.  

I was rowing 4 seat which, for the non rowers, is stroke side. This means my oar is on my right hand side. 

 In an attempt to smooth things, 

As I proceeded up the slide, I'd lower my hands slightly which raised my oar and should reduce the dip to bow side. This raised the ire of a fellow behind me and on the row from the finish back to the boat shed, he pointed this out. 

Naturally my initial response was push back and explain why. But I figured, he was technically correct. So against my natural instincts, I ended this errant behaviour.  Very interestingly and surprisingly the boat became noticeably more stable. 

Made me reflect again on my life. How often did I do stuff that impacted negatively on others and I either didn't recognise it or reacted negativly if called out.

I used to agonise over why I could have reasonable relationships with people and yet my relationship with Megan was stuffed.  I guess what I did was bad. 

Moved on to Nicky's morning tea in memory of her son Sean. That's so tough. 

In the evening, I went to the sunny bank sports club. Dinner with members of a Facebook Christian singles group. There was a lady singing and people dancing. I'm still technically a dance plodder but gave it a go. It was interesting to try and work out a few steps when no one had advised what dance it was. A good nudge that dance lessons lead to dancing. 

SUNDAY 

worked on one wire software for most of the day. 

5-8pm 3hr dance lesson. 

My legs are wobbly and my brain is mush. 

At the dance lesson, I was talking to a lady who is about to go camping down the tweed with her 18yo gr12 son. She told me he and his siblings all live with their dad. Some had lived with her but they moved to their dad and how much that hurt. Gutted. I remember when jemma decided to live full time with Megan. I was devistated. A second major rejection and huge feeling of failure. 

After all this there's feeing of sadness / mild depression. Sense of loss. Why after all this time. 

https://youtu.be/bpNw7jYkbVc